Sure, I was out being kind so I didn't have time to write a blog.........yeah, well. No excuses, just dropped the ball. I have had, and continue to have, many kind people of all walks in my life. I try to be kind as well, but more of it is needed. Life can really suck, so bring on the random acts of kindness! I want to give those along with receiving them. Note: I have noticed that some people have trouble receiving a kindness. They are usually one of two types of people: 1. Some are rarely shown kind acts, so recoil at first that someone would actually do something nice for them; 2. Some people like to ONLY be the giver and almost refuse a kind act toward them. Givers, ya gotta let us in sometimes!
Enough said; Week Three: Love does not envy
Envy: painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another joined with a desire to possess the same advantage.
Aha. Here's the definition of jealous, just so you can see the difference:
Jealous: Hostile toward a rival or one believed to enjoy an advantage.
I think the word hostile sets them apart. So, by the looks of it, envy can be felt deeply within. I'm sure I can make a pretty good list of what/who I'm envious of. Keeping envy at bay can be a really harsh mental work-out. Someone always has an advantage over you. Financial, appearance, material items, talent, etc. Am I thankful for what I have? Yes. Do I want more out of life? YESSSSSSSS! So the bigger, stronger yes rallies on the side of what I don't have at this point and time. Envy? Perhaps
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
Love is Kind: Day One, Monday
Kind: > of a good and benevolent (goodwill, desire to be good to others) nature or disposition
> having, showing or proceeding from benevolence
> indulgent, considerate, or helpful; humane (tenderness, compassion, and sympathy)
> mild, gentle, clement (merciful in character, compassionate)
I have had many, many kindnesses shown to me. Too many to count. When I think of the word kind, I automatically think fondly of those who have shown this to me. I don't often think of it for myself. Not because I believe I'm UNkind but the thought gives me warmth of those deeds done TO me not BY me.
In fact, I try to be kind, I want to be kind. I usually feel allot of compassion and sympathy toward the underdog. Probably because I see myself as one in many respects. So, when I person reaches out to me in this fashion I think, "Wow; someone thinks I really am worth it." I experience, even momentarily, that another person can see me, really see me.
I guess that's my approach. I want to see beyond the surface in others because I want to be seen that way as well. Kindness can bring that real essence of a person to the surface.
Of course, we rarely do anything without a benefit to ourselves. We give to a charity: we get a tax deduction; we give to the homeless: we think we're a hero; we agree to help with a fundraiser: our name is highlighted in the program. Usually there is some kind of compensation to reciprocate our kindness.
I think that's why some people are suspicious when someone is kind to them. We wonder what strings are attached, what ulterior motive they have, what they want from us in return. Truthfully, there are certainly some people in my life that I KNOW want something else......because they are not kind to me any other time except when they want something. I'm sure I have done the same in my life.
So, what about being kind when NObody knows; when someone can't give back; when even the object of your kindness DOESN'T know it was you who eased their burden? Sure, I think I'd still go away feeling some kind of "awe" about myself. I can't seem to escape my faulty human nature!
What's the alternative? Be out for oneself, ignore the pain of others because I'm afraid I'll feel that twinge of pride after I've helped? No, to be kind is better even with the side steps of selfishness.
> having, showing or proceeding from benevolence
> indulgent, considerate, or helpful; humane (tenderness, compassion, and sympathy)
> mild, gentle, clement (merciful in character, compassionate)
I have had many, many kindnesses shown to me. Too many to count. When I think of the word kind, I automatically think fondly of those who have shown this to me. I don't often think of it for myself. Not because I believe I'm UNkind but the thought gives me warmth of those deeds done TO me not BY me.
In fact, I try to be kind, I want to be kind. I usually feel allot of compassion and sympathy toward the underdog. Probably because I see myself as one in many respects. So, when I person reaches out to me in this fashion I think, "Wow; someone thinks I really am worth it." I experience, even momentarily, that another person can see me, really see me.
I guess that's my approach. I want to see beyond the surface in others because I want to be seen that way as well. Kindness can bring that real essence of a person to the surface.
Of course, we rarely do anything without a benefit to ourselves. We give to a charity: we get a tax deduction; we give to the homeless: we think we're a hero; we agree to help with a fundraiser: our name is highlighted in the program. Usually there is some kind of compensation to reciprocate our kindness.
I think that's why some people are suspicious when someone is kind to them. We wonder what strings are attached, what ulterior motive they have, what they want from us in return. Truthfully, there are certainly some people in my life that I KNOW want something else......because they are not kind to me any other time except when they want something. I'm sure I have done the same in my life.
So, what about being kind when NObody knows; when someone can't give back; when even the object of your kindness DOESN'T know it was you who eased their burden? Sure, I think I'd still go away feeling some kind of "awe" about myself. I can't seem to escape my faulty human nature!
What's the alternative? Be out for oneself, ignore the pain of others because I'm afraid I'll feel that twinge of pride after I've helped? No, to be kind is better even with the side steps of selfishness.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Sunday: The end of my patience?
No, it's not really the end of my patience, though I have reached the end of it many different times especially yesterday. I murmured under my breath at drivers (sometimes more like shouting demeaning remarks within the car), rolled my eyes secretly when a family member was pressing me for a demand, showed outward disgust when things weren't going according to my agenda, and had countless tweeks of "Ah, come on!".
That's real life, I guess. I have alot more digging to do and nurturing for this root of patience to bloosom in my life. Ironically, I came across a book in my endless stash of things not yet read. It actually is a book about all of these aspects of love. I read the chapter on patience. It refers to patience as "long-suffering". Why I didn't put these two together yet is probably because that element scares me. It scares me because I have been in quite a few (I'm sure most of us have) situations that require long-suffering. I am in a few right now as well. In the past, looking back and not wanting to relive those traumatic things, I don't think I came through with flying colors. I was NOT calm most of the time, I didn't respond to provocation, annoyance, etc. with much fortitude. I survived, however, when I thought I would not. Did I learn from those things? Yes, but would NEVER want to relive them. They pushed me to learn things about myself and others that I would not otherwise know and forced me to change my perspectives and solutions many, many times.
I think long-suffering is a heavy idea and I must force my self to deal with it. Going through events that can seem to have no end or no light at the end of the tunnel can drive one mad. To paraphrase, the book indicated in this chapter that "to suffer well" means to suffer something long and bear with it EVEN though we reject it. In other words, not discounting the wrongness, disappointment, misery of the situation, but still find joy, love, and peace as we endure it. And, the kicker to me is, not knowing the timeline in which we will have it with us.
AHHHHH! It makes me uncomfortable though I know it's true.
Well, my flowery form of patience is yet trounced again and I need to go further into unknown territory.
Love is KIND: Tomorrow is another day.
That's real life, I guess. I have alot more digging to do and nurturing for this root of patience to bloosom in my life. Ironically, I came across a book in my endless stash of things not yet read. It actually is a book about all of these aspects of love. I read the chapter on patience. It refers to patience as "long-suffering". Why I didn't put these two together yet is probably because that element scares me. It scares me because I have been in quite a few (I'm sure most of us have) situations that require long-suffering. I am in a few right now as well. In the past, looking back and not wanting to relive those traumatic things, I don't think I came through with flying colors. I was NOT calm most of the time, I didn't respond to provocation, annoyance, etc. with much fortitude. I survived, however, when I thought I would not. Did I learn from those things? Yes, but would NEVER want to relive them. They pushed me to learn things about myself and others that I would not otherwise know and forced me to change my perspectives and solutions many, many times.
I think long-suffering is a heavy idea and I must force my self to deal with it. Going through events that can seem to have no end or no light at the end of the tunnel can drive one mad. To paraphrase, the book indicated in this chapter that "to suffer well" means to suffer something long and bear with it EVEN though we reject it. In other words, not discounting the wrongness, disappointment, misery of the situation, but still find joy, love, and peace as we endure it. And, the kicker to me is, not knowing the timeline in which we will have it with us.
AHHHHH! It makes me uncomfortable though I know it's true.
Well, my flowery form of patience is yet trounced again and I need to go further into unknown territory.
Love is KIND: Tomorrow is another day.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Saturday....let the patience take root
Saturday.........it would seem easy to follow the patience vibe considering I'm off work for the weekend and I can relax and kick back.........what?! No, the weekends are filled with what I can't accomplish during the week and I must switch gears into what needs to be done mode.
Friday was it's usual onslaught of a busy work day and utter exhaustion from the week after it's all said and done. Oh yeah, women nod here, hormones definately play a part in my adherence to patience! Again, since it's always in my head somewhere, easier to bring to the forefront this week.
Did I blow it? Oh yes! I've been quite aware of the triggers to my impatience and did the best I could to squelch the fidgety, jaw-clenching that warns me of my reaction that is coming. There are some impending situations have on the horizon which will call on me to really exercise this aspect. New people to figure out, financial issues, paperwork overload, my family's needs, etc. and so on.
I would guess that most of us feel annoyed and put upon many, many times daily. Does this feeling go away with the practice of patience? Not sure. Maybe it's a constant battle within or maybe we can see things differently as time goes on. To go through life not annoyed? Sounds like a heavy burden to get lifted off. I'm thinking it's probably an ongoing battle to some degree, though.
Will I succeed today in a different set of dynamics? Hmmmm...........
Friday was it's usual onslaught of a busy work day and utter exhaustion from the week after it's all said and done. Oh yeah, women nod here, hormones definately play a part in my adherence to patience! Again, since it's always in my head somewhere, easier to bring to the forefront this week.
Did I blow it? Oh yes! I've been quite aware of the triggers to my impatience and did the best I could to squelch the fidgety, jaw-clenching that warns me of my reaction that is coming. There are some impending situations have on the horizon which will call on me to really exercise this aspect. New people to figure out, financial issues, paperwork overload, my family's needs, etc. and so on.
I would guess that most of us feel annoyed and put upon many, many times daily. Does this feeling go away with the practice of patience? Not sure. Maybe it's a constant battle within or maybe we can see things differently as time goes on. To go through life not annoyed? Sounds like a heavy burden to get lifted off. I'm thinking it's probably an ongoing battle to some degree, though.
Will I succeed today in a different set of dynamics? Hmmmm...........
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Thursday.........hmm
Yeah, didn't blog yesterday but Wed. and Thurs. have melded into one. Influences that add to my impatience: Exhaustion, hunger, misunderstanding........there's one. I have come to believe that most frustration and negative thought between people is misunderstanding.
First, we try to communication with another and something gets lost in the mix. Maybe we have in our mind what we're trying to say but use words that promote something else. Maybe we assume the other person knows the background of a subject and we add our two cents and they have nothing to go on but what we just said. All I know is this thing with patience makes me want to understand what someone is REALLY trying to say. Even an action can be misperceived when there's no background added to it. Listening is probably a good insert here.
Adding a little deeper patience in my day also seems to make me let go of some judgement with others as well. Our lingering judgements against people/situations already wanes our patience before we even get to the core of the person or issue.
I also think, after talking to a few people and asking their perceptions of patience, that we are sheepish to admit our shortcomings with it.
I am enjoying not "jumping the gun"; it releases a bit more peace in my days...............still observing..............
First, we try to communication with another and something gets lost in the mix. Maybe we have in our mind what we're trying to say but use words that promote something else. Maybe we assume the other person knows the background of a subject and we add our two cents and they have nothing to go on but what we just said. All I know is this thing with patience makes me want to understand what someone is REALLY trying to say. Even an action can be misperceived when there's no background added to it. Listening is probably a good insert here.
Adding a little deeper patience in my day also seems to make me let go of some judgement with others as well. Our lingering judgements against people/situations already wanes our patience before we even get to the core of the person or issue.
I also think, after talking to a few people and asking their perceptions of patience, that we are sheepish to admit our shortcomings with it.
I am enjoying not "jumping the gun"; it releases a bit more peace in my days...............still observing..............
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
So, it's Tuesday
Well it's Tuesday and I've been to work, home, the store, etc.. on and on.
Love is patient has been in the front or back of my mind today as I try to carry on my "quest". Nothing exciting really. I've been faced with the usual onslaught of waiting, traffic, things out of routine, cranky people etc. that we all have to deal with on a daily basis.
Was I more patient? I think I paid more attention to it which, in turn, made me more aware when I was feeling that certain twang of impatience. My alert seems to be a fidgety-ness, maybe a clenching of the jaw, a restless feeling. I curbed it for the most part, I guess.
I did find some things I really didn't pay attention too that made me on the verge of losing my patience. One of them was when people seemed to be double-talking to me. Meaning someone was dancing around what they really meant but trying to sound polite about it. It made me very impatient with them!! I decided to unclench my jaw and let them politely "insult" me I figure maybe they were just trying to be patient with me, too!
Also, maybe we mistake the "patience" in others for over-tolerance (is there such a thing?) to things that drive us crazy or we feel judgemental about. I may be able to be patient with someone displaying behaviour someone else is not and vice versa.
We all want to be in control but sometimes that power struggle leads to missing the bigger picture and someone gets lost in the translation. I don't want to lose anyone in the translation.
Love is patient has been in the front or back of my mind today as I try to carry on my "quest". Nothing exciting really. I've been faced with the usual onslaught of waiting, traffic, things out of routine, cranky people etc. that we all have to deal with on a daily basis.
Was I more patient? I think I paid more attention to it which, in turn, made me more aware when I was feeling that certain twang of impatience. My alert seems to be a fidgety-ness, maybe a clenching of the jaw, a restless feeling. I curbed it for the most part, I guess.
I did find some things I really didn't pay attention too that made me on the verge of losing my patience. One of them was when people seemed to be double-talking to me. Meaning someone was dancing around what they really meant but trying to sound polite about it. It made me very impatient with them!! I decided to unclench my jaw and let them politely "insult" me I figure maybe they were just trying to be patient with me, too!
Also, maybe we mistake the "patience" in others for over-tolerance (is there such a thing?) to things that drive us crazy or we feel judgemental about. I may be able to be patient with someone displaying behaviour someone else is not and vice versa.
We all want to be in control but sometimes that power struggle leads to missing the bigger picture and someone gets lost in the translation. I don't want to lose anyone in the translation.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Love is? Week One
So I'm starting this blog based on my pretty consistent reading of 1Corinthians 13. I began reading it nightly (or trying too!) a few months ago as I've been searching for some comfort in life's gameboard. I figured the idea of love is comforting and should bring me peace and help with in what I need to deal with. Well, really what has happened is I have been presented a challenge...in my mind anyway.
I have become determined to set out to really investigate what each aspect of the passage concerning Love means. Sure patience, kindness etc. seems self explanatory and maybe you're thinking I've become hung up on the words. But, I think the words and what they truly mean are what I'm concerned about. It has peaked a curiousity in me that seems not to be satified with the re-reading of it every night. It is not becoming clearer but more complex and overwhelming.
O.K., here's my experiment: For 9 weeks I will take one of the "love" aspects and it will become my focus for the week. I will begin on Monday and end on Sunday each of the 9 weeks and document what happens. What do I expect to happen? I have no expectations really. My hope is that I will be a bit more clear on how to incorporate these geniune qualities into my own being and see what how that could possibly effect those I whom I live with, encounter, work with, and all in my circle of influence.
Why 9 weeks? A few reasons come into play:
One, there are 9 weeks left in the public school year in which I work.
Two, I have a wall-hanging bought years ago that lists the most quoted 9 aspects of the passage
Three, being a scattered individual, I figure I can do anything for 9 weeks.
I would also hope to have anyone share their ideas, thoughts on each week's focus as well. Again, I'm really very curious to what this means to me and other people. I can only imagine we would all be a bit lovelier to be around if we truly had these characteristics. Each person we meet might go away with a better feeling than they started and maybe feel a little more.........loved.
Doesn't mean I will suceed at this. I probably will encounter many parts of myself I'd rather not.
But here goes:
Week One: Love is PATIENT
Definition: > bearing provocation, annoyance, misfortune, delay, hardship, pain etc. with fortitude (mental and emotional strength) and calm without complaint, anger or the like
> characterized by expressing such a quality
Sounds a lot deeper and tougher than my form of being patient!
Also, since it's week one, definition of Love:
> a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person
> a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection
> affectionate concern for the well-being of others
We'll see...........
I have become determined to set out to really investigate what each aspect of the passage concerning Love means. Sure patience, kindness etc. seems self explanatory and maybe you're thinking I've become hung up on the words. But, I think the words and what they truly mean are what I'm concerned about. It has peaked a curiousity in me that seems not to be satified with the re-reading of it every night. It is not becoming clearer but more complex and overwhelming.
O.K., here's my experiment: For 9 weeks I will take one of the "love" aspects and it will become my focus for the week. I will begin on Monday and end on Sunday each of the 9 weeks and document what happens. What do I expect to happen? I have no expectations really. My hope is that I will be a bit more clear on how to incorporate these geniune qualities into my own being and see what how that could possibly effect those I whom I live with, encounter, work with, and all in my circle of influence.
Why 9 weeks? A few reasons come into play:
One, there are 9 weeks left in the public school year in which I work.
Two, I have a wall-hanging bought years ago that lists the most quoted 9 aspects of the passage
Three, being a scattered individual, I figure I can do anything for 9 weeks.
I would also hope to have anyone share their ideas, thoughts on each week's focus as well. Again, I'm really very curious to what this means to me and other people. I can only imagine we would all be a bit lovelier to be around if we truly had these characteristics. Each person we meet might go away with a better feeling than they started and maybe feel a little more.........loved.
Doesn't mean I will suceed at this. I probably will encounter many parts of myself I'd rather not.
But here goes:
Week One: Love is PATIENT
Definition: > bearing provocation, annoyance, misfortune, delay, hardship, pain etc. with fortitude (mental and emotional strength) and calm without complaint, anger or the like
> characterized by expressing such a quality
Sounds a lot deeper and tougher than my form of being patient!
Also, since it's week one, definition of Love:
> a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person
> a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection
> affectionate concern for the well-being of others
We'll see...........
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