Sunday: The end of my patience?

No, it's not really the end of my patience, though I have reached the end of it many different times especially yesterday. I murmured under my breath at drivers (sometimes more like shouting demeaning remarks within the car), rolled my eyes secretly when a family member was pressing me for a demand, showed outward disgust when things weren't going according to my agenda, and had countless tweeks of "Ah, come on!".

That's real life, I guess. I have alot more digging to do and nurturing for this root of patience to bloosom in my life. Ironically, I came across a book in my endless stash of things not yet read. It actually is a book about all of these aspects of love. I read the chapter on patience. It refers to patience as "long-suffering". Why I didn't put these two together yet is probably because that element scares me. It scares me because I have been in quite a few (I'm sure most of us have) situations that require long-suffering. I am in a few right now as well. In the past, looking back and not wanting to relive those traumatic things, I don't think I came through with flying colors. I was NOT calm most of the time, I didn't respond to provocation, annoyance, etc. with much fortitude. I survived, however, when I thought I would not. Did I learn from those things? Yes, but would NEVER want to relive them. They pushed me to learn things about myself and others that I would not otherwise know and forced me to change my perspectives and solutions many, many times.

I think long-suffering is a heavy idea and I must force my self to deal with it. Going through events that can seem to have no end or no light at the end of the tunnel can drive one mad. To paraphrase, the book indicated in this chapter that "to suffer well" means to suffer something long and bear with it EVEN though we reject it. In other words, not discounting the wrongness, disappointment, misery of the situation, but still find joy, love, and peace as we endure it. And, the kicker to me is, not knowing the timeline in which we will have it with us.

AHHHHH! It makes me uncomfortable though I know it's true.

Well, my flowery form of patience is yet trounced again and I need to go further into unknown territory.

Love is KIND: Tomorrow is another day.